Where Do You Hide Your Chocolate?

Just when you thought your stash was safe, some cantankerous author outs you. The names have been changed to protect the innocent, or perhaps more appropriately, to protect the mountains of chocolate that lay buried in the creative genius of the authentic chocoholic.

After tabulating the returns of my query, the facts are clear: Yes, we hide chocolate from our loved ones. Yes, we place cheap decoy chocolate on obvious shelves to keep them from rummaging for something better. And yes, we often indulge in solitaire, savoring the sweet decadence of a stolen moment with a single purpose-ourselves.

While each of us is certain our stash is the best, a quick review of your flavor-savoring cohorts will help expand your options in the devastating event your stockpile is ever discovered....

1. A high number of us hide our chocolate in the freezer. If you're experiencing a chocolate emergency in someone else's home, check here first-bottom left, under the peas and corn. Sometimes it's in a single location, other times you'll find it spread out in micro-baggies throughout the shelves.

2. Cheree wins for creativity-the emergency roadside box in her car. In the event of an actual roadside debacle, there's always a chocolate bar lying in wait. Of course it also doubles as a bribe, unless it's summer, in which case it's best enjoyed alone with a napkin and a mirror.

3. Janice takes the "kindness award"-not only does she keep more than 20 varieties of excellent quality chocolates stashed under a pile of bogus papers in her desk, but she secretly drops them in her coworkers desks when she sees they're having a hard day.

4. Best "no-way-they'll-ever-find-it" goes to Marie, who divides her stash between the box of Always, her wedding album and a shoebox in the closet. Now this is true brilliance!

5. A close second to the "no-way" mentioned above is Heidi, who keeps a safe supply in both the scrapbooking room and in her underwear drawer.

6. Quite a number qualified for the "it's-so-obvious" award, hiding it in the pantry among the cooking supplies and labeled "saving for recipe". That would be the recipe for self-indulgence and stress reduction, I believe.

7. The "torture award" goes to Kelly, who keeps it in her workout drawer to make her work harder at the gym. Hey, whatever it takes, right?

8. Emily wins for "best use of unusable glassware"-her Christmas bowls and Valentine's Day vases are not actually dusty as they're filled with chocolate. A detective might discover this, but fortunately she's not married to one.

9. Honorary mentions to Val, Shelly and Andrea, who all make good use of excessive Tupperware by storing it (filled with chocolate) in their sweater closet, top shelf in the kitchen and the pasta drawer respectively.

10. Only one man responded out of hundreds asked, and he conceals his on the top shelf in his office behind his "guy collectibles." Admittedly for a guy, that's pretty good. You know we're never going to go there.

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